Bismillahir rahmanir raheem
This is an article inspired by my old blog but it details some of the things that I struggled with personally before I reverted to Islam.
I researched into Islam for about 2 years before I became Muslim. When I say “researched into” I mean I read the Qur’an, spoke to EVERY muslim friend I had about why they believed in Allah (swt), read books about Islam, watched TV shows about Islam… I kind of lived and breathed the subject just to get my head around it. This was essential for me because I’m generally not a person who makes rash decisions, I’m a planner alhamdulillah.
I had always struggled with my religion, not in a negative, “I never believed in a god way”, but more in a, “I know there’s a god and he wants me to worship him but how”, kind of way.
I went through phases of being a strict Christian (church every Sunday (sometimes twice for morning and evening service), bible study every Wednesday, helping to teach Sunday school, going to religious Christian camps for youths) but for some reason something didn’t sit right with me.
When I used to go to bible study I’d get told, “you ask too many questions, you just have to believe” – and I wasn’t hearing all of that! It seemed ridiculous to me that god would want me to blindly follow without seeking knowledge and becoming an enlightened person because of that.
I slowly began to turn away from Christianity and explored other faiths and beliefs. Buddhism, Judaism, Taoism… nothing was hitting the spot.
I was 22 and went to an Islamic Awareness event at my university during my masters degree. When I say went, I mean I was walking around and smelled some good food and decided to give it a look (typical student thinking). I found a group of girls there, one (who was non- muslim) was bombarding a Muslim woman wearing niqab (who is now a good friend of mine alhamdulillah) and asking her “why do Muslims oppressed their women” and “why do Muslim women have to cover”. Something stirred inside me and I jumped in to defend the woman (not that she needed it but I strongly dislike ignorance).
After, that same lady in the niqab asked me, what do I think about Islam. I said, “well it all seems legit to me, the story of creation, science and Islam (this was a big thing for me), but mostly it was the character of the Muslim people that attracted me to Islam”. She asked me about my lifestyle and I told her, “I don’t drink, smoke or take drugs. I don’t party, I don’t eat pork”, not your typical student I know. She laughed and said, well basically you are a muslim, why don’t you start practising.
THIS took me by suprise! Was I acting like a Muslim? I guess I was but didn’t see it. Apart from the way I was dressed on the day, my beliefs were that of a Muslim. I believed in ONE GOD and NO PARTNERS (even though I was a Christian the Trinity baffled me so I used to disregard it), I believed in praying regularly (although no one ever teaches you how to pray as a Christian, believe me I asked MANY times), just the SMELL of pork made me feel sick and I couldn’t handle my alcohol after years of abusing my liver on my undergraduate degree. All in all, I was a Muslim. So why did I find it so hard to say it out loud and revert?
Simply put, I was scared. Scared of society, scared of what people would say, scared of what my family would say, and mostly scared for myself. Islam from the outside doesn’t look easy. Praying 5 times a day, covering, fasting…. But subhan’Allah from the inside, Allah swt provides all you need.
Hasbunallahu wa ni`mal Wakil’ – ” Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us).” – Surah Al’Imran 173
I know there are a lot of (nearly there) Muslim sisters (and brothers) scared of reverting but leaving yourself on the outside of Islam looking in rather than being a part of it is unfortunate not only for yourself but those around you.
“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” Surah Ar-Rad 13:11
When Muslims practice true Islam, we are only limited by the will of our Lord and great things can happen insha’Allah. You will find your soul lifted with light, you heart free from pain and your actions full of barakah subhan’Allah.
Take my advice insha’Allah, don’t leave reverting to tomorrow because it is guaranteed to no man, woman or child. Carpe Diem as they say in the Latin (Sieze the Day). There are plenty of Muslims out there prepared to help you along your journey (including myself) just so in return they will smell the fragrance of jannahtul firdous (the highest level of Paradise) insha’Allah.
Tomorrow is already too late for some!
Wasalaam – Peace Be With You