Bismillahir rahmanir raheem
The Prophet (saw) said “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.”
Treating your spouse with love and compassion whilst still holding up your obligations in Islam is a noble task. Being married isn’t all roses and candle lit dinners, it’s finding someone that brings out the best in you. It’s not enough just to get married. You have to give your spouse their rights according to your responsibilities.
TIP ONE: Always treat your spouse with good character, even when they’re annoying you! There are bigger issues than whether he’s left his socks on the bedroom floor of whether she’s taking an extra 20 minutes to get ready. Sh. Sajid Umar has an excellent talk about remembering the rights and responsibilities within marriage.
Allah swt says in Surah Al-A’raf ayah 189:
“It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love).”
Allah swt has made your spouse like you, although it may not seem like it when you’re disagreeing. There’s a hadith in which Allah swt explains that He created all the souls and put them on a mountain side, some souls would have met each other then and when reunited in the duniya recognise each other and get along as if they’re old friends. This for me is what marriage is all about inshaAllah.
TIP TWO: Treat your spouse like an old friend, laugh, be joyful and enjoy each others company. Find a hobby you both enjoy or support your spouse in a hobby that they enjoy. This all helps to create an atmosphere of love and sharing.
A’isha (ra) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (saw) would kiss one of his wives and then leave for prayer (salat) without performing ablution (wudu). [Tirmidhi]
This is an important one for me and something I feel Muslim men don’t do enough of. Showing affection to your wife is not haraam, if anything it’s far from it. From the perspective of someone coming into the religion, it shocks me how men are not encouraged to show love to their wives despite the many authentic accounts we have of the Prophet (saw) doing just that for his own wives.
TIP THREE: If you don’t show your wife that you love and appreciate her, how else is she supposed to know? Kiss her before you leave for the masjid for this is mentioned in the sunnah of Rasullulah (saw). I can almost guarantee you that she will appreciate it!
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
“May Allah have mercy upon a man who wakes up at night, then offers Prayers, and wakes his wife up, and if she refuses (i.e., to wake up), he sprinkles water on her face. And may Allah have mercy upon a woman who wakes up at night, then offers Prayers, and wakes her husband up, and if he refuses (i.e., to wake up), she sprinkles water on his face.” [Sunan Abu Dawud]
One of the things I wanted most out of my marriage was a spouse that would encourage me to pray more often. Someone to pray fajr salah with, someone who would check prayer times for us alhamdulillah. This hadith shows the merits of having a spouse that holds onto their salah and encourages their spouse to do the same.
TIP FOUR: Pray salah together. If your husband goes to the masjid to pray his fardh, pray the sunnahs together at home. The Prophet (saw) would often pray his sunnah salah at home and then pray his fardh in the masjid with his brothers in Islam.
Once Aisha (ra) asked the Prophet (saw) “How is your love for me?”
“Like the rope’s knot,” he replied, indicating that it is strong and secure. And time after time thereafter, she would ask him: “How is the knot?”
And he would reply: “Ala haaliha” [in the same condition].
It’s perfectly fine to have a private joke between you and your spouse. This can help a lot at the beginning of your marriage to ‘break the ice’ and help you to begin to build a strong bond. We often forget that not only is a spouse a spouse, they’re supposed to be your best friend as well.
TIP FIVE: There are some things that you can only share with your husband that you cant share with anyone else in this duniya. Take advantage of that and use it to build stronger bonds of faith and love.
“A righteous wife who will help you in religious and worldly affairs is better than all the treasures the people have collected.” [Tirmidhi]
I wanted to end with this one as it is extremely close to my heart. The role of a wife is to be a support and a motivator to her husband inshaAllah. If we take the example of Our Mother Khadijah (ra) she was a support for the Prophet (saw) from the day they married to the day of her death subhanAllah. She was there when the Prophet (saw) descended from Mount Hira and reassured him of his nobility, she was there to fund the beginnings of Islam and she stood by the Prophet (saw) when the Muslims were boycotted and as a result passed away. She is one of the greatest examples of women, she was promised jannah and gave birth to another woman who was promised jannah, Fatimah Az-Zuhri (ra).
TIP SIX: Help each other to navigate through this duniya so that Allah swt will reunite you in the akhirah. This could mean helping either other with the housework, as the Prophet (saw) would cook, clean and mend his own clothes or take it in turns to do the washing up. Husbands don’t make your wives a slave to the kitchen and wives don’t make your husbands a slave to their jobs inshaAllah. Start with simple things.
May Allah swt make us the coolness of our spouses’ eyes and bless us with righteous children that will serve the Ummah. Ameen
Wasalaam – Peace Be With You